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You could shake your head with painful memories of large dollar amounts lost, and swear on a stack of Bibles that you'll never again be foolish enough to engage in a shoot-out with the One-Armed Bandit, but who are you kidding? Maybe, with just a little luck, you will be able to resist the call of the slot machine for a few weeks, perhaps even a month or two. But you know damn well that you will be back for a rematch in the end. You can not just let that Bandit win so quickly, can you? No way.

It is just a machine, in the end, with a "brain" comprised of wires and microchips. You, alternatively, are a living, breathing entity with the capacity for critical thinking and self-reflection. If humankind is to possess any hope at all in surviving the global war against machines that surely will come some day, we would better at least be able to beat the slots. Think of the matter within this kind of sweeping historical context and you shall see that it's not simply a choice but an obligation for you to get back on the horse as soon as possible.

Before launching on your noble quest in defense of humanity, it could be wise to review some basic information and arm yourself with five crucial tips to success.

You may not know that the slot machine goes on different names in overseas nations. For instance, in the United Kingdom, it really is called a fruit machine (no jokes about British drag queens, please.) In Australia, the great slot game is called a "poker machine," which is even more confusing, but what can you expect from a culture that gives outdoor grills the name of just a little girl's toy? (Let it sink in for a minute, you are going to get it.)

Anyway, traditional American slot machines are coin-operated and contain three or maybe more reels, which spin when a lever on the side of the equipment is pulled. The machines include a currency detector that validates the money inserted to play. The machine typically pays off based upon patterns of symbols visible in the event the reels stop.

OK, enough for the description. Essentially, onto those tips which were promised several paragraphs ago:

Become intimately acquainted with each slot machine's payout schedule. Two identical slot machines will often have radically different payouts. This matters, people.

Look for advertised slot machines offering 96-98% paybacks. Most casinos usually have a few banks or carousels of high percentage payback slots, and this is in which you should play.

Join the casino players club wherever you gamble regularly. Casinos reward players for money and time spent. Even when you do not hit the jackpot, you could still receive comps like meals, discount hotel rooms, as well as other perks.

This should be a no-brainer, but only play the slot machines you can afford and only spend cash you can risk losing. Seriously.

Walk away when you're losing and become irritated. Playing slot machines is supposed to be an enjoyable pastime, not just a source of ulcer-inducing frustration. When it's no longer fun, go get a drink and some fresh air.